


Sleepless

by MerMagicAnaLily



Series: Acceptance [2]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Abusive Past, Comfort, Hurt, M/M, Nightmare, PTSD, dysphroria, sleepover, trans!marty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 10:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20692259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerMagicAnaLily/pseuds/MerMagicAnaLily
Summary: Sequel to Helpless.T.J. woke up again in a cold sweat, grabbing at his phone on the bedside table and looking at the time: 3:18 a.m. He groaned softly and put his phone down and laid back.“You too?” T.J. almost jumped and then looked over at Marty in the other bed, laying awake and staring at the ceiling.“I didn’t wake you, did I?”“Nah...I woke up at least twenty minutes ago. Same recurring nightmare.”





	Sleepless

**Author's Note:**

> TW Disturbing Language  
TW Disturbing Imagery  
TW Homophobia  
TW Transphobia

“T.J….”

“T.J….”

“T.J.!” 

T.J.’s head snapped up to see Bex putting a cup of coffee in front of him. “Looks like you need this more than I do…”

“Oh...sorry Bex...guess I’m a little tired.” He took the coffee and started drinking it, then stopping to add one more sugar cube and milk. 

“A little?” She looked at him worried. “T.J., the bags under your eyes are bigger than the ones I use to carry my makeup supplies in. I don’t think you’re getting enough sleep.” She was about to say more but Amber stumbled into the kitchen and immediately put her head down on her napkin. “I guess I’m making more coffee,” she sighed, turning around to brew some more. T.J. leaned over and started shaking his sister awake. 

“Sorry…” Amber mumbled. “I didn’t realize how tired I was this morning.” 

“Yeah, and Marty is going to sleepwalk in here any minute,” Bex sighed. “This is the fourth time this week you guys look like this, and it’s Wednesday. You guys even looked tired on Sunday,” she put a new cup of coffee in front of Amber and Marty came in. He looked like he had more energy, but his dark circles matched T.J.’s. “Let me guess? Coffee?”

“Extra strong?” Marty asked hopefully.

“It’s the drip coffee we have.”

“Oh...I’ll take it.” 

She poured another cup and slid it to him, and he was the only one who drank it black. 

“Okay, are you guys sure you’re okay here?” Bex asked. “I mean, I know it’s only been a few weeks and this is new, but are you sure you guys are comfortable. We can figure out how to make you more comfortable, like get you new beds or mattresses...”

“Bex, really,” T.J. said. “We’re fine. The rooms are great, even if Marty snores as loud as a jet plane when he sleeps.”

“Yeah, and how frequently is that?” Bex raised an eyebrow and Marty shrugged. “Okay…I’m making an appointment for you guys at different therapists. I think you guys should speak freely and openly without worrying about some things you said slipping out to the others,” she said, pulling up the email that the Goodmans sent with therapist recommendations, all of them known for specializing with LGBT teens. 

None of them said anything, but they continued eating breakfast quietly. Bowie came downstairs a little later and looked at the three exhausted teenagers at the breakfast table and the quickly diminishing coffee pot. “I’ll...stop by a Starbucks before work...and buy more coffee grounds before I come home tonight,” he said. “You three okay?”

They nodded, not looking up from their eggs. 

“Okay...cool,” he said nodding. “Everyone home for dinner tonight?”

“Not Andi. She’s sleeping over at the Goodmans tonight again,” Bex said. Bowie nodded and kissed Bex’s cheek before saying goodbye to all of them and walking out. Amber sighed lightly. “Hey, come on Amber,” Bex said. “I’m treating this like I would treat you if you were Andi’s boyfriend. Even if you’re both girls. Besides, she’s taking advantage of all the sleepovers with Cyrus she couldn’t have before when she lived with Cece.” 

“I know, I know,” she said. “I just miss her.” 

“You’ll still see after classes since she pretty much lives where you work. Which also reminds me, I think you should cut down on your hours.”

“Bex, I need that job, it’s…”

“I know, you got that job to help you and T.J. out before he got the job at the kiddie gym, which I’m also gonna ask you to cut down your hours on, and when you spent two weeks fending for yourselves, which I’m still hunting down lawyers to sue your parents for every cent they got for reckless abandonment,” she said. “And I’m really proud that you took on that responsibility, but you don’t need that anymore. Bowie and I can provide everything you need! We’re giving you three debit cards under our bank account which you can use on anything within reason, as long as you keep a track of what you’re spending. You don’t need to work 8 hour weekdays and 12 hour weekends anymore. Cut it down to maybe three or four days a week of work and maybe 6-8 hours on the weekends.”

“But…” 

“Amber,” she said, touching her hand. “We’re financially stable here, and you don’t have to worry about supporting your family anymore, biological or found. This job can just be your money. You can save it, spend it to boost your going out budget, use it on things that Bowie and I said we can’t afford on the family budget tout that you can afford on your paychecks...this money is absolutely yours and yours alone. Same goes for you T.J. And Marty, if you decide to get a job somewhere, anywhere, the same will go for you. If not, you have our money and these two that you can pester until they give in,” she joked and they all laughed a little. “Alright, finish your breakfasts and finish getting ready for school, it's the last week, after all, and we’re all ready for the Middle School Graduation!” she said with a smile. 

“You want me to call in to work and ask if I can cut down?” Amber asked. 

“Yes,” Bex said. “You too T.J.”

They both nodded and started texting their bosses as they went upstairs, Marty stumbling a little from exhaustion. Bex sighed and took out the travel mugs and started making the three sleepless children coffee.

* * *

“T.J.!” His head snapped up again and he saw Andi and Buffy by his side and Buffy sighed, pulling out a coke bottle and giving it to him. “Clearly, you need more caffeine.”

“Soda?”

“School vending machines don’t have coffee,” she said. T.J. sighed and started pulling out his wallet when Andi stopped him. 

“It’s on us, T.J., but...are you okay?”

“Yeah...I’ve had trouble sleeping for a while…” T.J. said. “Nothing to worry about.”

“We highly disagree,” Buffy said. “How long? Like...a couple of weeks?” 

“I know what you’re trying to figure out, but I’ve been a bad sleeper since before...before the incident.” 

“Could it be since Andi’s party?” Buffy asked. 

“No, I’m pretty sure it was even before that,” T.J. said, switching out his books at his locker. 

“Since you figured out you were gay?” Andi asked and T.J. froze. “Should I take that as a yes?”

T.J. was quiet when he thought. “I don’t know...I never really thought about it…” he said quietly. He tried to think back to the first time he didn’t sleep well. He always had trouble falling asleep with the way his parents, specifically his father, talked about people. He was always angry, always yelling, always cursing out people who were “different” on T.V., and once threw Amber’s leftovers in the trash when he saw it was a quesadilla from The Spoon, saying that they were a respectable “American” household and weren’t going to indulge in any aspect of the culture of the “invaders.” 

T.J. always had to hide the rooster of the basketball team from him and even bought himself a weighted blanket to see if he could fall asleep easier. But back then, he at least always slept through the night. “I...I need time to think,” he said quietly. 

“T.J...I’m sorry,” Andi said. “I didn’t mean to-“

“I know,” he said. “It’s okay, really...I guess...I really never thought of it.” He closed his locker and looked at the two girls. “I’m fine, really. I never thought about it before, and maybe I should...and maybe you two should really look into your career options as psychologists,” he joked lightly. 

Buffy relaxed a little at the joke and smiled. “It’s called being friend with Cyrus long enough. As his boyfriend, you’re going to be having people lie on a couch and ask them “and how does that make you feel” by this time next year.”

“There are worse side effects to dating Cyrus,” he joked. 

“Oh yeah?” Cyrus popped up behind him and smiled. “Like what, Mr. Kippen?” 

“Like...not being able to look at a chocolate chocolate chip muffin without smiling...or swinging without singing…” T.J. kissed him hello and took his hand, his eyes lighting up when he saw Cyrus smile. 

“You sing my swing song?”

“Yup. But the slide song hasn’t caught on just yet...and that is not permission for you to sing it over and over again.” 

“Oh my god, please tell me we don’t sound like that with Marty and Amber,” Buffy said, watching the two with fake horror and badly hiding a smile. 

“You’re worse, in vastly different ways,” Cyrus said. “And tell Marty that he won your bet on who asks out who more. It’s T.J.” 

T.J. smiled and shrugged. “It’s true,” he laughed.

“Damn it, I owe him cookies,” she grumbled. “Oh well, I still won who kissed who first,” she smirked and Cyrus blushed. 

“Oh look! Class!” Cyrus said, beating the bell by ten seconds. “We should go!” He pulled T.J. along down the hall, with Andi and Buffy watching them go.

* * *

T.J. woke up again in a cold sweat, grabbing at his phone on the bedside table and looking at the time: 3:18 a.m. He groaned softly and put his phone down and laid back. 

“You too?” T.J. almost jumped and then looked over at Marty in the other bed, laying awake and staring at the ceiling. 

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nah...I woke up at least twenty minutes ago. Same recurring nightmare.”

“You never told me what it was,” T.J. said. 

Marty was quiet and right before T.J. was about to reassure him that he didn’t have to share it, Marty started talking. “It’s dumb...I just dream that all my binders are gone, my dresses are back, my hair grew past my shoulders again, and that everyone at school calls me by my dead name.”

“It’s not dumb Marty…” T.J. said. “It’s a real thing, and it’s valid for you to be scared by that.”

“It feels dumb...it’s just some dresses and a name…”

“It’s the fear of being forced into someone that you’re not...that fear that how you feel right now is wrong...I know that feeling. Kira made me feel like that for months...fucked me up.”

“I didn’t know that’s how you felt…”

“Most people don’t,” T.J. said, laying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “Every little thing she said, especially about Cyrus and how we acted around each other...made me feel like I was wrong...like everything about me was wrong and perverse...that I needed to be fixed…”

“Is that what you dreamt? That woke you up?”

T.J. shivered, then shook his head. “It’s...different…”

They were quiet for a while. “Not ready to talk about it Teej?”

“Not yet,” he said. “Not at least to people who are close to me…”

“That’s okay. Whenever you’re ready. I mean..I kinda owe you my life.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not,” Marty sighed. “I was kicked out..and homeless trans kids...we don’t always make it, y’know? Especially alone. You gave me a place to stay at night when you lived with your biological parents, and then when you guys were…”

“When we were kicked out.”

“Yeah...you and Amber still made sure I stuck around so that I’d be safe. It was the three of us.”

“You were our friend.”

“I’m not your friend anymore?”

“You’re more than that. You’re our brother.”

* * *

“Again?” Bex sighed, doubling the amount of water and coffee grounds in the coffee maker to make sure all of them had enough caffeine to stay awake. “I’m gonna get you kids some sleeping meds, or a sound machine...weighted blankets?”

“Amber and I used to have them,” T.J. said shrugging. “Didn’t fit in the duffel bags. It’s probably at a Salvation Army now.”

“And it was nice to sleep under when T.J. snuck me in his room…” Marty sighed. 

“Okay, I’m ordering three on Amazon...one day shipping…” Bex was on her phone literally buying the blankets. “I’m also thinking of investing in an espresso machine, and I set up appointments for you guys, but I could only get them for two weeks from now for the first session.”

“Aren’t we supposed to go weekly?” Marty asked. 

“Yeah. These guys like having a 2 or 3 hour first session to know where to go with you guys,” she said. “After that it’s a weekly one hour. I’ve got the times printed out so you can submit those to your jobs as a time you’re no longer available. And don’t worry boys, I accounted sports schedules into the scheduling.” 

The two closed their mouths and nodded. 

“Alright. Get dressed and to class before you’re late! Go go go! I’ll make you breakfast wraps with your leftover omelets.”

They got up and went upstairs to change.

* * *

When T.J. woke up in the middle of the night again, he decided to go downstairs and get some juice as a way to calm down. 

“So…” a voice scared T.J. and he closed the fridge door to see Bowie in the door frame. “This is why you’re tired.”

“Oh..I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have just…”

“No, this is your house now,” Bowie said, grabbing two glasses. “As long as you share with your fellow night owl.” 

T.J. nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat and poured the juice for them both. Bowie took a seat at the table and gestured for T.J. to sit with him. T.J. sighed and sat down. “So…” Bowie started, taking a sip of the orange juice. “You always come down here when you wake up?”

“Normally not…” he said. “I normally just lie awake. I just needed something tonight...see if it helps. Why are you up?”

“Because I’m worried that the only one of my kids getting sleep is at her best friend’s house,” he said. “I want to know how to help. Are you just waking up?”

“Yeah...I actually fall asleep better than I did before...back at my biological family’s house and when we slept at the school. But it’s the staying asleep that I struggle with.”

“Are nightmares waking you up?” T.J. nodded. “Do you know if that’s the case for the others?” 

“Yeah...all of us wake up...because...we do feel safe here.”

Bowie seemed to relax. “You do?”

“Yeah...I just…” he looked at his glass and opened and closed his mouth a few times. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Bowie said. “Not if you don’t feel ready. I would ask you to talk it through the therapist when you see her, but I can’t force you.” T.J. nodded, drinking more. “Can you tell me how you feel when you wake up? You said you feel safe here.”

“I do,” T.J. said. “I can’t speak for the other guys, but...it’s like while I’m asleep...I forget that I’m in a safe place, like there was a reset in my brain. And once I’m in that scared place...I can’t come down. It’s hard to come down alone…”

Bowie thought, pressing his lips together. “Alright...I hope I can help you somehow,” he said. “You want me to stay down here with you?”

“No...no I think I’m ready to head back to bed…” T.J. took his glass to the sink. “Hey Bowie? Thanks...for the talk...it feels nice having someone care about me the way a dad should.”

Bowie smiled. He hadn’t felt this happy since the first time Andi called him Dad. “Anytime you need me...Thelonious.”

T.J. froze. “How did you…?”

“We got the documents to make us your official legal guardians. They didn’t exactly go by your initials, and we got Marty’s dead name, so we’re gonna take him to a name change court when the process is finalized. But we know you don’t want us to use it around other people. We’ll keep it within us. Not even Andi has to know.”

“She should,” T.J. said smiling. “It is a family secret. Plus, it’ll kinda be funny if Buffy is one of the only people to not know my name.” 

* * *

T.J. ended up having a better day at school that day, telling the rest of the group about his talk with Bowie.

“He really is the best dad in the world,” Andi said. “I lucked out in the parents department.”

“And we lucked out in the friends department,” T.J. said. “Because we’re friends, I get to know what a family should be like. My dad-“

“Biological father,” Cyrus said. “Or life-bringer or sperm donator because that man is not a father.”

T.J. laughed a little. “My life-bringer would have yelled at me for being out of bed and made me go back in my room, told me to be a man and suck it up…” he trailed off, trying to not get lost in thought. “But Bowie sat me down and tried to get me, you know? I never expected anyone to do that for me ever. I’m still amazed when Cyrus first had that talk with me on the swings...and then by how much you all care about me.”

“That’s unacceptable,” Andi said. “We’re changing that ASAP.” 

* * *

During the day, they had all gotten texts from Bex to head over to the Mack apartment. When they did, they walked into the couch that was pushed all the way against the wall, the coffee table right next to the TV, and Bex and Bowie blowing up four air mattresses, three large ones and one smaller one. Well, Bowie was blowing up the air mattresses and Bex was wrestling a fitted sheet on the ready one. 

“Oh, hey guys!” Bex said panting. 

“Um...what’s going on?” Andi said, going over to hug her parents first. 

“Well, first, we missed you a ton,” Bowie said, pressing a kiss on her head. “And no more sleepovers until you go to boarding school.” He wasn’t serious about that last part and Andi laughed a little. 

“I missed you guys too...but what’s with this?”

“Well...I know that you guys probably talked about the talk T.J. and I had because none of you keep secrets from each other,” Bowie started. 

“Very true,” Cyrus said. 

“Well…Bex and I talked, and then we called everyone else’s parents, and I think that this is the perfect opportunity for a group sleepover.”

“Really?” Amber asked, and Andi reached out and held her hand. 

“Obviously some ground rules,” Bex said. “No going up to the bedrooms, everyone stays in the living room, that sort of thing. But we already stopped by your houses and your parents packed you guys some overnight bags so you’re all ready on that end.”

“Um...what does this have to do with what we talked about last night?” T.J. asked Bowie. 

“Well, maybe having all your friends around might help keep you grounded in a way,” Bowie said. “I called Dr. Goodman—Cyrus’s dad— and he agreed, that surrounding you with people might help with the transition process.”

“Wow...thanks,” T.J. smiled and Marty put his arm around Buffy.

“So...does that mean we can order a pizza?” Jonah asked with a hopeful smile. “And movies?”

“You got it. Go change everyone.” 

* * *

_ “You’re disgusting!” _

_ “Dad please!” _

_ “You think I deserve to have a faggot for a son!” _

_ “Dad!” _

_ “I would have said that I would prefer a girl if someone in this house is going to be attracted to girls and the one girl I got is a fucking dyke!” _

_ “Please don’t say that about Amber!” He felt a strike to his cheek, hard enough to send him to the ground.  _

_ “You need to call that faggot and put him in his place! Tell him to stay the hell away from you!” His father put T.J.’s cellphone in his hands and he was hyperventilating. “You know where those AIDS-ridden cocksuckers belong!” _

_ T.J. got a look at the scene around him and Cyrus was to the left of him, on the swings. It was their first meeting on the swings, Cyrus’s hair was a little messed up, and he was younger, but he had a glow around him.  _

_ “Tell him where he belongs!” He saw his father right next to Cyrus and T.J. looked down and saw that the phone turned into a gun.  _

_ “Teej...That’s a gun…” Cyrus was looking right at him and T.J. looked at his hand, now pointing the gun at Cyrus.  _

_ “No...no…” he looked over and his dad had one hand over T.J.’s, finger on top of T.J.’s holding the trigger...and the other hand holding a noose around T.J.’s neck.  _

_ “Do it!” _

_ “NO! _

_ “DO IT!” _

_ “Teej!”  _

_ T.J. looked back at Cyrus and saw the shirt slowly turning red, and Cyrus looked right at him. “I thought you changed…”  _

_ “I did!” He started choking as his father, mother, and Kira looked up at him from below. He was slowly being raised by his neck. “I did! I just ruin anything good in my life!” _

* * *

T.J. woke up in a cold sweat again, gasping and sitting up. Instantly he felt a hand holding his and he was about to cry out but then another hand touched his cheek and had him turn his head. Cyrus...Cyrus was there, Cyrus was looking at him. 

“Follow my breathing,” he said quietly, and T.J. nodded matching his inhales and exhales, feeling his heart rate go down. “What are three things you can hear?”

“Your voice...my heart…Marty’s ungodly snoring.”

Cyrus chuckled a little. “Three things you can touch.”

“The sheets...the air mattress...your hands.”

“Something you can see.” 

“Your eyes,” he breathed out, squeezing Cyrus’s hand. “I’m here...I’m here…”

Cyrus nodded and hugged him, feeling T.J.’s head fall on his shoulder comfortably. “So am I.”

“I know…But…” he sighed and Cyrus pulled away so T.J. would look at him. 

“But?”

“I’m afraid of the day you’re not anymore.”

“What makes you think that? That I won’t be there?”

“Because you’re too good for me.”

Cyrus looked right into T.J.’s eyes. “You are more than perfectly good for me,” Cyrus said. “You balance me out.”

“What if you find someone better?”

“I won’t,” Cyrus said. “Because there’s nobody better than you. You’re amazing.”

T.J. looked down again. “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel good enough.”

“You should,” Cyrus stroked the back of T.J.’s head, feeling the short hairs under his fingers. “And until you do, I’ll be there to remind you.” 

T.J. smiled and Cyrus pulled him in for a kiss, both of them closing their eyes. “I love you Underdog…”

“I love you too, not-so-scary-basketball-guy.” 

They stared at each other for a little longer before Cyrus tried to stifle a yawn and T.J. chuckled a little. “Come on,” he laid back down on the mattress and held his arm out for Cyrus. 

“You’re the one with the nightmare...shouldn’t I be holding you?”

“I like holding you,” T.J. said. “Makes me feel less like some type of monster and more like I can use my size for good.”

“I won’t argue against that,” he said. “Except for the fact that you are not any sort of monster, Kippen.” Cyrus laid down and curled up on his chest, sighing when he felt T.J.’s arms go around him and hug him tightly. “You want to talk about your dream?”

“I don’t want to go into details…”

“That’s okay, really, that’s okay. You share when you’re ready, or you don’t have to share at all. Whatever you prefer.”

“I…” he looked down at Cyrus, looking up at him from his comfortable position on his chest. Cyrus really was the best at cuddling. “I’m afraid of doing something that would make me lose you.”

“I’m hard to shake, Kippen.” He closed his eyes and shifted to get more comfortable. “Hope you’re okay with that.”

T.J. smiled and looked down at the sight of Cyrus closing his eyes and burying his face in his chest and hugged him tighter. “Yeah...sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for reading and please comment if you got to read this! If you ever have anything you want to read and haven’t seen, comment it and I’ll add it to my list!
> 
> Thanks!  
And Have a Magical Day!!!


End file.
